How to Live Happily Ever After
by testosterone-tea
Summary: Sequel to 'How to Fall Out of Love'. Draco writes a list on exactly how one goes about accomplishing this feat, especially if your true love is a certain green-eyed Gryffindor savior... one-shot, HPDM slash


This is a sequel to the other one-shot I wrote recently called 'How to Fall Out of Love'. I got a review anonymously asking if I was going to do another fic like that one. Originally I hadn't planned to, but the thought was so compelling, that this was the result. I don't think you need to read the first one to understand this one, so feel free to skip reading 'How to Fall Out of Love' if you are just reading this one.

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and I am simply borrowing her characters for my own use.**

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How to Live Happily Ever After

By Draco Malfoy

1. Meet the love of your life

2. Not realize that he is the love of your life for six years

3. Be completely oblivious to the fact you are in love with your arch-nemesis

4. Finally figure it out

5. Go into the denial stage

6. Admit defeat

7. Be miserable for a month or two

8. Try and keep your feelings a secret

9. Fail at keeping the secret

10. Realize that maybe he loves you too

11. Accept that these feelings you have are here to stay.

12. Decide that if you're going to date the Savior of the Wizarding world, you might as well let that world know he's off the market

13. Buy him a collar and a tag to go with it that reads 'Property of Draco Malfoy'

14. Laugh at the look on his face when you give it to him

15. Feel astounded when he actually wears it

16. Scowl at him when he laughs at the look on _your_ face

17. Feel better because the looks on everyone else's faces are worth the trouble

18. Every once in a while, wonder how you actually managed to bag Harry Potter

19. Remember all the people that have told you you're not good enough for him

20. Realize that _all_ of them have said it, at least once

21. Realize Granger and Weasley tell you at least once a day

22. Ponder what exactly it is that lead them to this conclusion

23. Remember all the nasty things you have done over the years

24. Come to the dreadful conclusion that you're not good at all

25. Mope about this fact, because it means you're really _not_ good enough for him

26. Endeavor to become better

27. Realize that you don't know _how_ to be better

28. Decide to learn from the experts of goodness themselves

29. Carefully observe your boyfriend and his friends doing whatever it is they do to be considered 'good'

30. Miserably conclude that it will take a lot of work

31. Decide to start small

32. Begin by not sneering at Hufflepuffs

33. Start getting weird facial spasms because of all the times you have repressed that particular expression

34. When Harry smiles at you, decide it is worth it

35. Next, stop making derogatory comments about Gryffindors, especially his two sidekicks

36. Realize your tongue is bleeding from all the times you've bitten it to stop a sarcastic remark

37. When Harry kisses you goodnight, decide it doesn't matter

38. After that, decide you will not push people out of your way in the hallways

39. Also, do not purposefully trip people just to see them fall

40. Get a vicious headache from repressing so many of your ingrained actions

41. Fall asleep in Harry's lap and decide that it's okay as long as you have him

42. Start getting odd looks from people in the hallways and in the Great Hall

43. Hear people wondering whether Harry Potter has 'reformed' you

44. Feel proud of yourself for accomplishing a noticeable difference

45. Decide that you are no longer 'bad'

46. Sigh, because that means you have to start working on the 'good' part

47. Decide that, once again, you will start small

48. Smile

49. Try not to laugh at the baffled looks you are getting from everyone

50. Fail at not laughing, because it's hilarious

51. Laugh harder, because now the bafflement is turning to shock

52. Leave everyone in a state of stunned fascination

53. Decide to smile more in the future

54. Next, try something you never have before: the sincere compliment

55. Realize how hard this is, because sincerity is not a Slytherin quality

56. Try harder

57. Tell Granger you are impressed at her talent at spell-casting

58. Try not to snicker as she drops her wand

59. Sigh when she tells you that it's not that easy to weasel your way into her good graces

60. Patiently explain to her your mission objective

61. Try not to sulk when all she does is laugh at you

62. Decide to try with Weasley instead

63. Tell Weasley that he is a good Keeper

64. Feel extremely frustrated when all he does is comment on all the times you've lost to Harry

65. Wonder why it is so hard to be good and so easy to be bad

66. Tell Harry that he has the most amazing eyes you've ever seen

67. Be rewarded with a kiss

68. Endeavor to try even harder

69. Wonder why you even bother when Pansy sneers at your attempts

70. Resist her when she tries to lure you back to the dark side

71. Even resist the temptation to tell her that her face resembles a pug's

72. Go find Harry to remind yourself why you're bothering

73. Brush it off when he asks why you've been acting so strange lately

74. Remember that he is a stubborn Gryffindor when he persists

75. Wonder whether you should tell the truth to be good or a lie to avoid trouble

76. Decide being good is more important

77. Tell him your plans

78. Feel betrayed when all he does is laugh and tell you that you 'don't have to'

79. Stalk off in a huff because he doesn't understand

80. Sulk in the library so that Harry can't find you

81. Bang your head on the table when Granger and the female Weasley walk in instead

82. Wonder if you should even bother to try to be nice when all anyone does is laugh

83. Think about Harry, because even though you're mad at him, you still love him

84. Tell the little Weasley she has nice hair

85. Decide she does have nice hair even though it is flame red like all Weasley hair

86. Stare in amazement, because she blushes and tells you what kind of potion she uses on it instead of laughing like everyone else did

87. Notice that Granger is staring at you

88. Ask her why

89. Nearly roll your eyes because she tells you to stop trying to win Harry's heart with empty compliments

90. Explain that you already have Harry's heart

91. Try to tell her, for the hundredth time, that you're trying to be good so that you might keep it

92. Add that if she used the same potion as Weasley, her hair would stop being so frizzy

93. Remove yourself from the library so that she doesn't see the hurt in your eyes

94. Realize that the little Weasley has followed you out

95. Stare even more when she tells you not to give up and then goes away

96. Wonder why no one but the girl your father tried to kill has any faith in your attempts

97. Go back to the dungeons to mope more in peace

98. Avoid Harry

99. Feel miserable, because even though you're angry, you miss seeing his face

100. In avoiding Harry, end up paired with Granger in Potions

101. Realize in shock that she followed your advice

102. Tell her that her hair is nice today, because it is for once

103. Feel even more miserable when she tells you how miserable Harry is

104. Tell her that you're sorry

105. After an hour of her pressuring you, agree to talk to Harry, mostly because you miss him though

106. Ask Granger if she is a real Gryffindor

107. When she responds affirmatively, tell her that is she is, then she should go after what she really wants instead of bothering you

108. Leave before she can question you further

109. Shake you head in disbelief that you actually tried to give Granger advice on her love life

110. Go find Harry

111. Let him apologize to you for being a twit

112. Forgive him, because while he might be a twit, he's _your_ twit

113. Get a warm feeling in your stomach, because even after a month, he's still wearing the collar you gave him as a joke

114. When you leave for your next class, feel even more determined to carry out your mission successfully

115. Tell a random Hufflepuff you like her shoes

116. Just smile at the shocked expression on her face

117. Continue on to class

118. Proceed to compliment everyone that you possibly can

119. Realize you meant every single one

120. Decide to move onto the next stage: being _helpful_

121. Know for a fact this will be much harder than compliments

122. Start in Slytherin where your help will be more readily accepted

123. Help younger Slytherins with their homework

124. Notice, that after a week of this, they are beginning to look up to you

125. Move on to coaching first years in extra flying lessons

126. Start getting the older Slytherins help with these two ventures by explaining it in a way that appeals to Slytherin values

127. When Harry asks where you've been the past couple of weeks, explain

128. Feel proud of your accomplishments when he praises you for them

129. Decide to move your helpfulness outside of Slytherin

130. Notice how tired Professor Snape is lately

131. Offer to tutor problem Potions students for him

132. When he accepts, actually feel somewhat pleased with yourself

133. Tell Harry about it next time you see him

134. Feel your stomach plummet when he asks why you're doing this once more

135. Try and explain _again_ that you just want to be a better person

136. When he tells you that you don't have to do that just for him, realize that you're actually doing it for yourself

137. Tell him, so that he doesn't get any more weird ideas

138. When his eyes light up, feel your heart melt

139. Let out a surprised squeak when he jumps on you very abruptly

140. Let him pull your body snuggly against his own

141. Wrap your arms around his waist

142. Turn your face up

143. Look him right in his lovely green eyes

144. Feel your heart flutter when he smiles down at you

145. Wonder if your heart will ever stop doing that or whether it always will, even years from now

146. Realize that even after all this time your stomach still has butterflies

147. Smile into his mouth when he finally kisses you

148. Kiss him back as if your life depended on it

149. Feel your skin tingle when he slides his hands inside your robes

150. Allow him the liberty

151. Wonder how it is that he makes your insides melt with just one touch

152. Bury your fingers in his hair

153. Moan

154. Flush in embarrassment over the needy sound

155. Flush even more when he starts to undo your robes

156. Wonder where exactly this is heading

157. Decide you don't care as long as he doesn't stop doing that thing to your neck

158. Jump when you hear several startled yells

159. Drag yourself away from Harry very quickly

160. Pull your robes shut

161. Wonder if you've ever blushed so much

162. Also wonder why it is you entirely forgot that you were in the middle of Harry's common room and in plain sight to anyone who should walk in

163. Feel thankful it was just Granger and the two youngest Weasleys who've witnessed you in this state

164. Hide behind Harry anyways, because it's still completely mortifying

165. Shift your robes so that they won't see exactly what kind of effect Harry has on your very traitorous body

166. Leave as soon as possible because the male Weasley is giving you horrified looks

167. Head back to Slytherin

168. Wish that you were instead curled up with Harry

169. Wish also that you were still kissing Harry

170. While you are at it, wish Harry was still touching you and that his hand was trailing lower…

171. Blush again – or is 'still' the word to use?

172. Feel glad that no one else is here to see your no-doubt dazed expression

173. Think rebelliously that you are a teenage boy and that these thoughts are in no way your fault

174. Go to sleep still thinking longingly of Harry

175. Wake up the next morning to find a darkening bruise on your flesh

176. Wish you hadn't let Harry do that thing to your neck no matter how nice it was at the time

177. Pull up the collar of your robes in an attempt to hide the mark

178. Realize this is pointless and that should even one person see it the whole school will know by the end of the day

179. Decide that if they're going to find out anyway, you might as well display it proudly

180. Go down to breakfast with your head held high

181. Just smirk if anyone comments on it

182. Try not to laugh when Weasley chokes on his porridge

183. When Granger starts smacking him on the back, laugh anyway

184. Sit down next to Harry

185. Ask him what was with the zealous praise the night before

186. Feel very pleased with yourself when he admits it was because of your mission

187. Try not to blush when he admits that he likes your sarcasm and doesn't want you to give that up

188. Decide that you will continue to be sarcastic, but only to those who deserve it

189. Think that maybe it might not be a fairytale ending, but you did get your happily-ever-after

190. Ponder on the success of your lists and think you might start writing 'How to' books

191. Decide to start with one titled 'How to Tell Your Pureblood Parents You're Gay'

192. Snicker

193. Kiss Harry

194. Let the pandemonium begin!

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Thanks for reading! This has been really fun to write, so if anyone wanted this story to continue, just say the word and I'm there! Although Draco's thought of writing a 'How to' book would need to be written in a different style than this fic. I'd be interested and would appreciate any suggestions on how this could be accomplished and who would actually read the thing…


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